Frustrations, Dumb People, & the Norwalk

So, I've got this bike... an old-school Trek 2000 road bike, probably older than I am from my buddy, for free. He had it sitting around for a good 5 years plus, so it wasn't in tip-top shape, but not a big deal, as I was just interested in getting a commuter bike, since I've made my 29er a single-speed, which is way too slow to ride 11 miles to work, each way. I'm rambling for the reason I'll get to in a minute...
It needed new tubes, tires, shifter cables, seat, and a rear wheel. I was up for the project.
I brought it in to Beaver Sports and bought tubes, then brought them home and tried to put them on. I got the rear tube on, since I was using the stock wheel off my 29er (which didn't exactly fit due to axle width, but I made it work), so the rear tube went on fine. The front wheel, which came with the bike and is supposedly a 'really nice Mavic wheel' was giving me serious issues with getting the tire off. After about a half hour, I gave up. Another day of not being able to bike commute to work. It was really getting under my skin.
The next day, I brought the bike in to Beaver to get tires because I noticed they were very badly dry-rotten. So, I had them install a $120 pair of tires, supposedly the most punture-proof, lightweight, foldable tires you can buy. I sat around for over two hours waiting for them to get the tires and tubes on... finally, the mechanic came out and said how difficult of a time he had getting the front tire off and the new on on. He stressed that if I ever get a flat tire, I should just ride it out or cut the tire off. Yes, cut the $60 tire off. I almost lost my shit and screamed, "Why the F did you even put it on there?!?!" Or, at least he could have asked, "Are you sure you want me to put this tire on, seeing how difficult it is?" Nope. I was mad.
Regarding the bike's other issues, I decided to make it a single speed for simplicity and my new-found love of it, by using the (Ultrega!) derailleur as a chain tensioner and I swapped the drop-down road bars for flat bars. Then, since I found a pretty sweet and cheap seat to replace the one on my 29er, I took the 29er seat and put it on the Trek. Project complete. Sweet, retro/hipster/urbanite commuter bike up and running. I was happy.
So, back to the current situation... Monday at 4 pm, I was sitting at work and within two minutes, I went from feeling fine (and excited that the day was almost over), to thinking I was going to explode out both ends. I quickly made the decision that I was going home immediately and three people even said I looked like death.
I struggled my way upstairs, had a miserable experience in the bathroom, changed clothes, and then hobbled downstairs to get my bike and ride home. That's when my day really went downhill, even more so...
The front tire was completely flat. Yes, the one that I was told to ride-out or cut it off if I ever got a flat tire. Not even 50 miles on those tires and I already had a failure. There I was, about to puke and in disbelief about my bike.
I then went back in to the office and snagged a ride to a friend's cabin from my boss, half way to my cabin. I laid on the couch there for over a half hour, after thinking I was going to puke all over my boss's car. He then gave me a ride home, stopping twice on the way (only 4 miles to my cabin) because I thought I was going to ralph, and then I did as soon as we pulled into my driveway. I proceeded to unleash every ounce in both volume and weight of liquids and solids from my body for the next 5 hours. I felt like I was going to die. My roommate and his fiance came home and they said they could put an IV in for me if I wanted. I was seriously thinking about it. My stomach and abs felt like they were contracting under negative pressure and ripping away from my abdominal walls. I couldn't even keep 4 ounces of water down, so I tried sipping water, 5 drops at a time, by using my hydration bladder. That didn't work, either. So, there I was, with not a single thing in my stomach, the most dehydrated I could ever imagine being, and not able to lay in any position without wincing in pain. Norovirus - the worst I've ever felt.
At 3 am, I woke up after laying on the floor for a couple hours and then one of those cheap blue cots, and thought I felt good enough to drink something and hold it down. Pedialyte was on the menu, for sure.
Now, I'm at least holding water down and the disabling pain has gone away, but can't figure out what to eat, when I'm able to, and I'm still not running on even one cylinder.
That was Tuesday morning. It's Wednesday night and I'm still the same. No appetite, very painful stomach, lots of horizontal time.
I'd rather be at work, so I'm hoping I feel better. When I do, I'm heading to Beaver Sports to have them fix my tire dilemma, because I am not cutting off a $60 tire!
On top of all this, I just found out I have double flats on my 29er. I don't even know what to say...